


One Lonely Kid, One Meteor

by genderneutrals



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, davekat - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-05-07 08:51:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14667582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/genderneutrals/pseuds/genderneutrals
Summary: dave is trying to recover from a panic attack and is doing a bad job. karkat isnt as much of an asshole as he seems. based on my own experiences. im fucking coping.





	One Lonely Kid, One Meteor

He lay there, sprawled on the uneven rock with one arm behind his head and one on his torso, gripping the universes last iPod in his scarred fist. Bass pumped in his headphones, and it was impossible to know if he heard anything above the last remnants of humanity.

_It's cold and I'm awake._

Growing as a person is really fucking difficult when you're traumatized and also isolated to all hell. Being surrounded by a dozen other traumatized kids didn't exactly help.

Neither did the excruciating panic attack in some dark wet corner. He closed his eyes underneath the aviators, suddenly feeling the dry tears on his eyelids. Goddamnit. Just think about the music. What kind of beat is this? Tap it with your finger, how can you build on it, how can you manipulate it, how can you prove to yourself that you aren't a useless piece of fucking filthy garba--

"DAVE FOR FUCKS SAKE!"

Dave jolted, his eyes flying open as he sat up. The headphones slipped down onto his shoulders, but he didn't think about that as much as the sudden intense pain in his chest. Anxiety lifted her bitchy fingers and stuck them between his ribs at the sudden shout and he gasped, tears slipping between his eyelids.

Karkat leaned back, holding a hand up. "Oh holy shit are you okay fuck I didn't think I'd startle you that badl--"

"What the fuck are you talking about dude, I'm fine," Dave said, a chilly edge to his voice. He completely ignored the way his hands shook and calmly gathered his iPod and headphones, standing up. "Did you need something?"

Karkat looked at him, taken aback. After a moment he seemed to find his words again, "You can't brush that off like one of your impromptu rap verses, Strider. You're only human. I mean, fuck, you know what I mean."

"I'd ask you to be more specific but I'm pretty confident that you'd just give me more horseshit."

"Okay Mr. Cool Shades, I suppose you're too grandiose for subtext like the rest of us. I fucking heard you."

"I sure hope you can hear m--"

"Stop," Karkat interrupted, crossing his arms. "Look, I," he sputtered, searching for words. "When I get a brain cramp like that I usually have Kanaya or some other poor fucking sap helping me through the horrorterrors of my thinkpan and unfortunately I'm not graced with your such quadrant so I didn't think I could help you but your ever-so-benevolent god can't exactly leave you to rot in your sin and filth so just talk to me, okay?"

There was a moment of silence, during which Dave's apathetic demeanor changed to something sharper. 

"Well fucking excuse me for not being as graced as your wonderful fucking self, Oh Great Karkat. I am so very fucking sorry for being a pitiful human trash can. Please give me mercy and just end my pathetic little life right now. Is that what you fucking want, asshole?" He spat, turning his back and walking in the other direction.

"Thats not what I meant!"

He stopped and whipped around. "Then say what you fucking mean!" Dave's voice cracked, and he tugged at his own shirt in aggravation. "I can't sit around here deciphering every hint of subtext you leave behind. In case you have noticed, Vantas, I'm a fucking imbecile and someone so low as I can't be e--"

"You're not stupid." Karkat said, yellow eyes piercing the glass on his face.

Dave shut up. "Oh, change your mind?" He asked, bitter.

"I never thought you w--"

"Well you sure as hell made it sound like it. You sure as hell made it seem like you cared about me purely through pity and I should be fucking slobbering at your feet for this wonderful opportunity--"

"Jesus Christ can you let me finish talkin--"

"NO! You're constantly fucking monologuing you aggressive piece of SHIT," warm droopy tears ran down his cheeks and he inhaled deeply, his shoulders shaking with the withheld sobs.

".... Dave," the tenderness in his voice made Dave irrationally angry.

"Don't say my fucking name like that. Y-you don't get to say my name like that and then just w-watch me sob my fucking eyes out and get off on how great y--"

"Do you want me to get Rose?" He interrupted, concern on his face but his voice matter-of-fact.

He rubbed his cheeks. "Don't f-fucking b-bother her you t-t-tool," he sank down to his knees, this action aided by floaty flying powers. Every word shook with the hyperventilating sobs cramping his lungs.

"Sh-she doesnt n-need another fucking lo-loser in her f-fucking l-li.. life.." The word turned into a cross between a whimper and a wail, and he sensed Karkat kneel down beside him.

"Is it okay if I touch you?" The soft question stilled him. He looked at Karkat, at the genuine concern and worry on his face, and his own composure crumpled. He didn't deserve this.

A soft arm wrapped around his shoulders as he shook into Karkats shirt.

"Slower, easy now, slower breaths..." A hand gently rubbed his back and a new set of tears.

"I d-don't, kn-know what t-t-to do I'm so fffucking tired and s-sad I, I've never wanted t-to die as badly as I d-d-do now but I c-can't even fucking do that," he clutched the soft sweater with his bitten and dry fingers. He was enveloped now, both of Karkats around him.

Gentle touches and quiet words of encouragement coaxed him into breathing slower, tears fading into small leaking streams.

"You're okay... we're okay... we're safe, here and now..." His tired eyes drooped, all of his weight leaning into Karkat. "Shhh... you can handle it... you dont have to right now... right now you can just rest... let yourself rest..."

He slept.

**Author's Note:**

> this is kind of rushed or whatever, but its 1am and i had my own panic attack 5 hours ago and im really not recovered and im sad and shit and i just need to imagine that someone loves me. ill prolly add more/continue


End file.
